Top 100 reasons why Kirk is better than Picard

100. Kirk is a leader, not a follower.

99. Kirk never really got into that kinky "jumpsuit" look.

98. Kirk has sex more than once a season.

97. One word: Hair.

96. Another word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-WIG.

95. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.

94. Picard is a French man with an English accent.

93. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences.

92. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.

91. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.

90. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.

89. Two words: shoulder roll.

88. Kirk doesn't wear dresses when admirals arrive for lunch.

87. Kirk has an annoying kid (Charlie X) and looses him by the end of the episode. Picard still can't keep the weasel from coming back.

86. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.

85. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.

84. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale population.

83. Kirk says, "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"

82. Kirk knows 20th century curses.

81. Kirk was never infiltrated by the Borg and used against the Federation.

80. Kirk ate little colored cubes and still remained relatively healthy.

79. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.

78. Kirk never pretends to be a barber to gain a tactical advantage.

77. Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off--even around those pesky Yoemans.

76. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something stupid like Dixon Hill.

75. Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.

74. One word: Velor.

73. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at chess.

72. When Kirk was Picard's age, he was a retired Admiral and took to climbing rocks.

71. When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter, Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the flagship Enterprise.

70. Kirk liked a good belt of liquor now and again.

69. One word: Iman.

68. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.

67. Kirk took a cloaking device from the Romulans, Picard gave a cloaking device back to the Romulans.

66. Kirk says, "Shoot first and wait for retaliation."

65. Kirk's first officer never tells him to stay on the bridge.

64. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.

63. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.

62. Two words: funky sideburns.

61. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.

60. Kirk never once said, "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"

59. Kirk is not politically correct.

58. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busybody named after a letter of the alphabet.

57. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest.

56. If there was a Klingon on Kirk's bridge, he would most likely be dead.

55. Picard's Kobiashi Maru test: "Romulans, This is Captain Picard. We are here to save the crew of the Kobiashi Maru --: "Cadet Picard, that is the all-time low for the Kobiashi Maru senario.." Kirk just happens to be the only person ever in the history in the Great Big Federation to beat the thing, thanks to his mastery of all things computerized.

54. One word: Miniskirts.

53. Kirk's girlfriends always look good in soft light.

52. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.

51. Kirk's first officer didn't play a wimpy instrument like the trombone.

50. Kirk had more dates than his first officer.

49. Kirk can count; he never called Spock Number One (he's second in rank, obviously). Picard obviously flunked algebra.

48. Kirk's doctor takes care of the physical and mental well- being of the crew, and Kirk would never have a Counselor. (Captain, I sense hostility fro the Romulan commander from whom you stole the cloaking device.) Picard always has conflicting advice from his doctor and counselor.

47. Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.

46. Picard's middle name isn't tough or awe inspiring like Tiberius is.

45. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.

44. Picard never met Joan Collins.

43. Picard flunked his entrance exams to Starfleet.

42. Picard hasn't fathered any children: Kirk--probably millions.

41. Kirk has a cool phaser--not some Braun mix-master.

40. Two words: Line delivery.

39. Picard grew up in a quaint little French vineyard, squishing grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung bails of wheat and hay in Iowa to put himself through school.

38. Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.

37. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulfur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies. (Need we say more?) 36. Kirk is not put off by green skin.

35. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippy loving goofs.

34. Kirk once fought a Greek god, and won.

33. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only.

32. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.

31. Kirk would have beaten Q at his own game, a la Trelaine, and then called up the Q-Continuum to take him back. (he probably would have beaten Q to a bloody pulp, or at least knocked him out a la Sisko.

30. Kirk's name is hated throughout the galaxy.

29. Kirk appreciates Shakespear, but he doesn't let it show.

28. You can never lock up Kirk for long.

27. Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.

26. Kirk invented a card game, Fizzbin. Picard won't even play poker.

25. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.

24. Kirk can climb up a Jefferies Tube and fix anything.

23. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.

22. The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender--until they met Kirk.

21. Kirk's bridge is not beige.

20. Two words: crane shot.

19. Picard likes wimpy violin music--and coerces Data into playing it.

18. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things like Tribbles.

17. Kirk is a cultural icon--Picard is just some guy who's really nice.

16. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge. 15. Kirk would never touch synthahol.

14. Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses -- and nobody dares to call him "four eyes."

13. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily.

12. Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.

11. When Kirk doesn't trust Romulans, he fires at them. When Picard doesn't trust Romulans, he gets fired at.

10. Best character on Picard's ship, Riker, a wanna-be Kirk. (Descendant?)

9. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting ensign.

8. Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.

7. When Kirk says "boldly go," he means it.

6. Three words: flying leg kick.

5. Picard's crew would never think of him as a sexual object.

4. Kirk traveled through the Great Barrier, met god, and wasn't even impressed.

3. Kirk would have made Lore self-destruct in 5 minutes. (i.e. People are irrational. They must be destroyed. You have feelings. You must be a person. You must be destroyed. Scotty, send a crew up here to clean this mess.

2. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.

1. Something brings them together to fight to the death. Picard says, "Let's talk this over/Get in touch with our feelings/etc." Kirk shoots him on the spot.

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